Something There: An Olympus Musical
by Waves Crash
Summary: When the gods get bored, and a strange teen pops in, she presents the idea...er, command, of something to do. What is it? No, not a soccer game, a writing contest, or an Xbox competition. It's...a musical? Rated for most likely crude humor and the likes.
1. The Bodacious Beginning

Wow, I have no sense of focus do I? Had to write it, yadda yadda yadda. Enjoy!

Oh, and I don't own PJO.

Happy?

Athena: Frankly, yes. You would've paired Poseidon and me…

Me: Well, I do own this story so maybe I will!

Poseidon: Nice going, Owl Face.

Athena: Shut up, Fish Head.

I do not own the lyrics in this fanfiction.

I also own Sandy

It was a normal day on Mt. Olympus. The twelve gods were bored. They'd played Would You Rather, Truth Or Dare, and, their personal favorite; Watch a Drunk Dionysus Sing Retarded Songs.

"I wish somebody would give us something to do." Hades sighed.

With a poof of purple smoke, a teenage mortal was standing in front of him.

"Who the Hades are you?" Ares asked. The girl smiled in a creepy way.

"I'm Sandy, and I'm here to give you something to do!" All twelve gods leaned forward in their thrones.

"We're," She paused for dramatic effect, "Going to put on a musical!"

=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o

"Why on Olympus would we do that?" Ares asked. Then he cowered under Sandy's withering glare, much to the amusement of Hephaestus and Apollo.

"Oh, okay. Because you said so. I'm cool with that." Apollo stood.

"Hang on. What musical?" Aphrodite started saying,

"Please be Phantom, Please be Phantom." Everyone looked at her.

"What?" She said, widening her blue eyes. "It's a tragic love story!"

"Beauty and the Beast. Sorry Aphrodite."

"Darn it!"

o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o=o

"Auditions are NOW! Who wants to go first?"

A voice that sounded suspiciously like Athena trying to imitate Poseidon shouted,

"I do!" Sandy pointed her finger at Poseidon, who was scowling at a very smug Athena.

"Poseidon, you first, since Athena volunteered you. Athena, you're next."

Athena groaned. Poseidon smirked.

"POSEIDON!"

"Sorry," he said meekly. Athena stifled a laugh. He snapped his fingers, and some underwatery xylophones started to play.

"**The seaweed is always greener**

**In somebody else's lake**

**You dream about going up there**

**But that is a big mistake**

**Just look at the world around you**

**Right here on the ocean floor**

**Such wonderful things surround you**

**What more is you lookin' for?**

**Under the sea**

**Under the sea**

**Darling it's better**

**Down where it's wetter**

**Take it from me**

**Up on the shore they work all day**

**Out in the sun they slave away**

**While we devotin'**

**Full time to floatin'**

**Under the sea**

**Down here all the fish is happy**

**As off through the waves they roll**

**The fish on the land ain't happy**

**They sad 'cause they in their bowl**

**But fish in the bowl is lucky**

**They in for a worser fate**

**One day when the boss get hungry**

**Guess who's gon' be on the plate**

**Under the sea**

**Under the sea**

**Nobody beat us**

**Fry us and eat us**

**In fricassee**

**We what the land folks loves to cook**

**Under the sea we off the hook**

**We got no troubles**

**Life is the bubbles**

**Under the sea**

**Under the sea**

**Since life is sweet here**

**We got the beat here**

**Naturally**

**Even the sturgeon an' the ray**

**They get the urge 'n' start to play**

**We got the spirit**

**You got to hear it**

**Under the sea**

**The newt play the flute**

**The carp play the harp**

**The plaice play the bass**

**And they soundin' sharp**

**The bass play the brass**

**The chub play the tub**

**The fluke is the duke of soul**

**(Yeah)**

**The ray he can play**

**The lings on the strings**

**The trout rockin' out**

**The blackfish she sings**

**The smelt and the sprat**

**They know where it's at**

**An' oh that blowfish blow**

**Under the sea**

**Under the sea**

**When the sardine**

**Begin the beguine**

**It's music to me**

**What do they got? A lot of sand**

**We got a hot crustacean band**

**Each little clam here**

**Know how to jam here**

**Under the sea**

**Each little slug here**

**Cuttin' a rug here**

**Under the sea**

**Each little snail here**

**Know how to wail here**

**That's why it's hotter**

**Under the water**

**Ya we in luck here**

**Down in the muck here**

**UNDER THE SEA!"**

Everybody stared at Poseidon.

"Wow. If you'd told me you could sing like that, I would've had so much more to make fun of," Athena stated casually. Poseidon looked winded, so Sandy sent him back to his seat with a "Well done". Then Sandy barked,

"ATHENA! YOU'RE NEXT." Athena got up off of her throne and started to sing something a bit slower.

**I've heard there was a secret chord**

**That David played, and it pleased the Lord**

**But you don't really care for music, do you?**

**It goes like this**

**The fourth, the fifth**

**The minor fall, the major lift**

**The baffled king composing Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Your faith was strong but you needed proof**

**You saw her bathing on the roof**

**Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you**

**She tied you to a kitchen chair**

**She broke your throne, and she cut your hair**

**And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Baby I have been here before**

**I know this room, I've walked this floor**

**I used to live alone before I knew you.**

**I've seen your flag on the marble arch**

**Love is not a victory march**

**It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**There was a time when you let me know**

**What's really going on below**

**But now you never show it to me, do you?**

**And remember when I moved in you**

**The holy dove was moving too**

**And every breath we drew was Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Maybe there's a God above**

**But all I've ever learned from love**

**Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you**

**It's not a cry you can hear at night**

**It's not somebody who has seen the light**

**It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**You say I took the name in vain**

**I don't even know the name**

**But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?**

**There's a blaze of light in every word**

**It doesn't matter which you heard**

**The holy or the broken Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**I did my best, it wasn't much**

**I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch**

**I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you**

**And even though it all went wrong**

**I'll stand before the Lord of Song**

**With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah, Hallelujah**

**Hallelujah**

There was utter silence.

Apollo exclaimed, "She's the bestest alto I've ever heard!"

There was some scattered, wide-eyed applause, and a flushing Athena plopped into her throne unceremoniously.

Sandy cleared her throat.

"Well! That was really something! Thank you for that!"

She turned around and called the next name (Ares). The auditions continued!

OoOoOoO

(I don't want to fill this up with song lyrics, but I wanted to put Poseidon and Athena in there because….hehe…because I did!)

After the auditions, the gods dispersed, most flushing. Sandy sat in a director's chair Apollo had cheerfully conjured up.

"Hmm…I have my Belle and Beast set, so now for the others…I should cast him as him, but I really want HIM to be him…Arrrg! DIONYSUS!"

A grape scented cloud 'poofed' Dionysus into sight.

"What do you want, Sarah?"

Sandy glared. Dionysus did not flinch.

"I need your help. You see-"

Dionysus cut her off.

"You should cast him as him, and HIM as him."

Sandy stared.

"Dude, you're good. I think I'll make you…"

Please say co-director; I don't want to be in a play… Dionysus chanted.

"COGSWORTH!"

AN: Did anyone recognize Aphrodite's earlier line? Hehe…Next installment up soon, with cast! Reviewing, my friends, is a very kind act done when you read a story. So please, help the fanfiction writers one step at a time and REVIEW!


	2. Casting Call!

Hello, my friends. I'm scared. Of what? Willy Wonka. Why? See the ending note.

CAST today!

Athena awoke to find a green UFO circling her head. She threw off the gray comforter that covered her and swung her legs out of bed. She then snatched it out of the air to find it was none other than…a Post-It note. She rubbed her eyes and looked at it blearily.

"Come…to the throne room?" she read.

Similar notes appeared in the other gods' rooms. Within minutes, twelve awake, alert deities sat almost eagerly in their throne. But nothing seemed to happen. The gods started to idly chat. Hestia yawned and stirred some coals. But then a grand column of white smoke exploded into the room.

"It's tear gas!" Zeus shouted.

"Father, it's smoke! We aren't affected by tear gas!" Athena shouted back.

"Bro, you're an idiot!" Poseidon interjected.

The smoke cleared to reveal a hovering Smartboard. It had a bunch of names on it. All the gods were highly upset. Why, you think?

Because that smoke was actually a vapor version of eye diluter. The gods and goddesses were all unable to focus on the words that resided on the Smartboard.

"Ha-ha…I love eye diluter, don't you?"

Sandy. Of course.

"What the Fahiji?" Poseidon exclaimed. Athena raised an eyebrow.

"Fahiji?"

"I don't know…" Poseidon admitted.

Sandy tapped her Ugg-clad foot.

"I believe you guys WANT to know what parts you have?" she inquired.

All deities swiveled their heads towards the girl. Aphrodite squinted.

"Sandy, do you have blue hair?"

Sandy smiled.

"Yes, yes I do. Yesterday was crazy hair day at my school."

Aphrodite nodded. "That's cool."

ANYWAY!

A girl with long blonde-brown hair walked up and stood next to Sandy.

"Sup, Bella?" Sandy asked.

"Nuthin."

"You wanna read the cast?" Sandy asked.

"Meh. Fine."

Sandy addressed the gods.

"This is my best friend Bella. Well, her name's actually Alice, but I call her Bella cuz she likes that better. She's gonna be my co-director."

The gods chorused, "Hi Bella."

"Sup yo," Bella answered.

Sandy shouted, "LET'S HEAR THE CAST!"

Bella turned to the Smartboard.

"Let's start with those that are most unimportant."

The gods looked at her with intensity that should have caused her to explode. She didn't. Bella didn't even look fazed.

"The least important person is Monsieur D'Arque. This goes to HADES!"

The gods all applauded politely. Hades shrunk down in his seat.

Sandy laughed.

"Heehee…I'll give you the next person. This is the role of the Enchantress. This goes to…HERA!"

Another round of polite applause. Apollo and Dionysus were both snickering, since they knew the Enchantress also had to be an old hag.

"This role's perfect for her!" Apollo guffawed. He then received a death glare from yours truly, Sandy.

"Here's a rule: only I can question MY decisions. You aren't allowed to insult people on their role. Speaking of which…I'm gonna break ranks a little here and say that Apollo, my friend, will be playing the candlestick Lumiere."

There was a lot of laughing and scattered applause. Apollo flushed.

"Back to ranks," Bella boredly said.

"Yes, yes," Sandy said impatiently. "Bella, care to say the person who scored the role of Chip?"

"Surely, my friend. This goes to Artemis."

The gods applauded vigorously. They didn't dare say anything about genders, for

A: they didn't want any arrows through the neck

B: Sandy would say something demeaning

"NEXT!"

This went on for a while.

"Madame le Grande Bouche goes to Demeter!"

"Babette goes to Aphrodite."

"Mrs. Potts goes to Hestia."

"Gaston goes to Ares!"

"Maurice goes to Zeus!"

"Cogsworth to Dionysus."

"Lefou to Hermes."

And then the gods looked confused. Aphrodite raised her hand.

"Yeah?" Sandy asked, grinning broadly.

"What about the main characters? Belle and Beast?" Aphrodite asked.

Sandy smirked.

"They know who they are."

Both Poseidon and Athena asked, "Who?"

Bella exclaimed, "You mailboxes. Poseidon and Athena are Beast and Belle."

AN: Bella is my best friend ever! Her name's not Bella, or Alice either. In real life. But we're gonna call her Bella. And I'm scared of Willy Wonka because of Epic Movie. He's like a cannibal creeper.

"I'm going to find you!"

Yeah, he goes around saying that.

Well, this is the end of the chapter. Bye now!


	3. Sorry, Hephaestus!

OHMYGOSH!

I forgot Hephy! Sorry! Heph will be my scene constructor.

-Love, Sandy.

Hephaestus groaned. This was SO not what he wanted to be doing this week.


	4. The First Rehearsal

I apologize for going AWOL. Haha, I hope this makes up for my MIA. Sandy is (what I like to call) my bottle. She is where I put my uber craziness, my anger, and my sadness. Haven't seen any of that yet, but the crazy part is almost normal by now. Just hinting at content, hehe…

"FIRST REHEARSAL!" Sandy's voice boomed. All the gods felt themselves yanked from wherever they were and to a huge theater greatly resembling Gershwin Theater. They felt themselves be plopped down into a cushy red seat. Dionysus tutted in approval. Then he grasped his surroundings. All the other gods had already drawn weapons of some sort.

"What the heck?" Ares shouted, bazooka ready to fire. Sandy and Bella stood up on the stage smiling.

"My dear Call of Duty buddy," Sandy said comfortingly, "You know Hecate, right?"

Ares nodded. Athena, who was standing as far away from Poseidon as possible, furrowed her eyebrows. Then she unleashed the Searing Eyeball on Sandy. Sandy continued demonically grinning.

"You-us-what-magic-GAH!" Athena sputtered. Poseidon, while twirling his trident, chuckled.

"For once, the pontificator has been silenced," he commented. All eyes turned to him. Poseidon frowned. "Hey, just because I said a big word doesn't mean you all havta be so surprised!"

Sandy was getting impatient. "Yo, I'm not getting any younger," she grumbled. Then her face grew ponderous. "Cuz if I did, that would be bad. Then I'd be a baby or something."

Bella, ever bored, shouted, "We be starting now. Athena, get your butt up on stage!" Sandy reinforced this with a maniacal smile. She snapped her fingers and a grand piano stood behind her.

"Alright, smarticle. You can read music, I assume?" Sandy inquired. Athena flushed.

"Never assume, it makes an mule of you and me," she said. Poseidon laughed loudly.

"Haw haw, Megamind doesn't know something!" he cawed in a very Nelson-like manner. Athena shot him the Searing Eyeball, and he shut up. Sandy giggled.

"Athena, I think you mean it makes an-"

"Starting would be good," Dionysus announced. Sandy smiled.

"Riiiiight."

Three hours later, the cast and directors had bludgeoned their way through half the play and were going over the blocking for 'Be Our Guest'. Apollo was doing quite well as Lumiere, no surprise there, and Poseidon (to all of the others' surprise) was a great Beast. Athena, on the other hand, wasn't doing too well. After twenty minutes of trying to coach her on character, Sandy threw a conveniently placed rock at Bella and dragged Athena out of the theater into a cobblestone plaza with a beautiful fountain adorned with dolphins. Athena (who, as you can imagine, DID NOT like being dragged) grumbled, "What?" Sandy, who hadn't been facing her, whirled around. Athena almost screamed. Sandy's face was beet red. Tiny white crescent shapes dotted her cheeks and her forehead was swollen pink from facepalming so much. Her now normal brown hair was frizzed up like a spooked cat.

"WHAT? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT? I AM IN ONE PLAY AND DIRECTING ANOTHER! HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE PLAY I'M IN ARE INSANE AND CAN'T ACT FOR THEIR LIVES, AND WITH THIS PLAY, EVERYTHING WOULD BE PERFECT AND WOULD COMPENSATE FOR THE OTHER ONE EXCEPT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT!"

Her rage over, Sandy said in a normal voice, "What is blocking you, here? I mean, is it that hard to let go of Athena the bossy knowledgeable wisdom goddess and transform into Belle, the chaste and intelligent village girl?"

Athena shrugged. Sandy snapped and smiled, a sudden change from the recent bellowing. "I know! Close your eyes!" When Athena didn't, Sandy said through her teeth, "CLOSE." Athena could hear the vicious ferocity behind the otherwise cheery demeanor, so she shut her eyes. The only things she could hear was the water splashing into the fountain and Sandy's voice surrounding her as she started talking.

"You are not Athena. You are a twenty-year-old woman in medieval France. Repeat."

Athena hesitated.

"REPEAT."

"I am not Athena. I am a twenty-year-old woman in medieval France."

"Your name is Belle. Your father is an inventor and you love and support him. You are pursued by a man named Gaston. Gaston is a cruel, obnoxious man only interested in you because of your beauty. He proposes marriage to you, but what do you say?"

Sandy's voice changed depending on what she talked about. When she spoke of Belle's father it was warm and compassionate. Athena felt the strange need to hug Zeus. When she talked about Gaston, Athena wanted to vomit from the venom in Sandy's voice.

"My name is Belle. My father, Maurice, is an inventor. I love and support him very much." Athena smiled, and Sandy wondered what Athena would be like if she were mortal. _My best friend, _Sandy decided.

"I am pursued by a shallow, vain man named Gaston. Gaston is cruel and obnoxious and only interested in me because of my looks." Athena sounded annoyed, as if it had been Poseidon proposing to her. Sandy smiled at both the additions to the paragraph and the tone it was said in. _She's getting there._ "He proposed to me. I denied, thank god."

A calm had washed over Athena in this meditative characterization session. She felt sympathetic for Belle. How annoying. All Belle wanted was to read her books and live happily with her father, and she gets the pig proposing. Athena wanted to spit in Gaston's face.

A sharp "squee" brought Athena out of this state.

"YAAAAY YOU HAVE GOTTEN PAST THE BLOCK!" Sandy squealed. Athena wanted to cover her ears at the high-pitched sound. Sandy sounded like a mosquito. Suddenly all business, Sandy strutted into the building.

"Athena, hurry up. I totes left them alone in there. If the theater isn't totally trashed I'll give you ten drachmas."

"You're on."

Wow, that was fun :D gotta love Sandy. She's a barrel of monkeys! By the way, pontificate means 'to lecture in a dry fashion'. Just putting that out there. Bye!


End file.
